Okay Now I'm Confused
I hate to force lurkers out into the open (although technically this (these?) isn't (aren't?) a lurker(s) because he/she (they) comment(s)--and commenting is awesome! Yay for the positive reinforcement), but I am growing mightily confused. Who the hell is "anonymous?" Because I have begun to suspect that it is more than one person, and that's somewhat upsetting.
So, people whom I think may be "anonymous:"
A. a certain dear friend of the GHP, redhead-dating sort
B. someone I met in chorus in...I think 4th or 5th grade...and with whom I plotted the destruction of the evil chrysalis
C. ???
Readers, please. I want to respond and appreciate all 3-5 of you. If you don't wish to comment under your own blogger name, do leave some indication of identity. Especially indications that would only be understood by me--those are fun. But remember: if I was drunk at the time, I might not still know what the hell you're talking about. I may not have known even then.
Now, onto other matters. In lieu of writing more cat updates (which believe me I am NOT in the mood to do--our situation has deteriorated in some very interesting ways), I'm going to indirectly respond to Andrew's latest post. Part of it. I'm going to try and explain why I've decided to get married at the ripe old age of 21. Well, I'll be 21 by then, anyway.
Basically, I love him.
Now, why does that mean that I have to commit to him in a legally binding sense, you ask? What is the advantage of having the state sanctify our union?
Being married allows us to share healthcare benefits, file taxes jointly (which in many cases means getting significant cuts...and yes, I know that this is just another example of how the US government tries to manipulate people into participation in religious/"moral" institutions), and share a bank account. All of these are the sorts of things that people in long-term relationships find useful and ultimately beneficial for them. And perhaps most importantly, in the event of divorce, marriage provides substantial legal rights for both parties--guarantees that neither would have in a committed relationship unrecognized by the justice system. It is damn near impossible to recoup any property/financial losses that occur during a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is much less impossible to force an equal division of shared property and assets in the context of a legal divorce. By having the government recognize that two people have indeed entered into what amounts to a legally binding contract certainly has its advantages when that contract expires. Or just goes south.
Beyond all this contract-nonsense, marriage seems to me to be about reaching a new level in the practice of "our."
Our record collection.
Our apartment.
Our tax returns.
Our unemployment benefits.
Our cats.
Our rats.
Our...kids?
...That last one becomes progressively more uncertain as we deal with the cats and rats. Goddammit. It's not that I'm totally enamored of the whole "procreation" idea, I just hate to have to judge my future parenting skills based on all these furry fiascos.
For people who aren't completely comfortable with sharing...everything...marriage is a monumentally bad idea. There are only about three people in my life that I would even consider sharing a bank account with, and I'm planning to marry one. Another one is my mom. Maybe. She sometimes gets funny ideas about home improvement projects, and I might not want to be caught up in all that. But still, you get what I'm saying.
I think that a great many people should not be lured into the "marriage trap." Marriage simply doesn't suit the temperaments or neurosis of all people. About 1/4 of the people in this country who get married probably shouldn't. Another quarter definitely shouldn't.
However, I also believe that homosexuals and men with favorite farm animals (because we all know that's what comes next) should all be allowed to marry as they choose. Society should focus less on encouraging heterosexuals to get married, and more on discouraging those who are not suited for such commitment (gay people, straight people, certain breeds of goat) from doing it. It should be as socially acceptable to have a series of long-term boyfriends throughout a woman's life, as it is to have one husband. If society allowed people more options, many would never choose to get married. Many still would. Some would still fail.
The point of all this is that the institution of marriage still has value. The number one cause of divorce isn't marriage (which you must admit is a wicked bit of circular logic): it's unrealistic expectations. Nothing and nobody is going to make you happy all the time. I'm not implying that I have some kind of insider-knowledge, or that I know what's right for society. I just know that for me, especially at my age, societal pressure to "accept" the institution of marriage was not an issue. I'm just excited about the sharing.
7 comments:
so i'm assuming one of those anonymouses is your mom. i don't know if she knows about this blog, but...if she does? the one about not calling for six days could definitely be hers.
alrighty.
and i know you know this, but i certainly didn't mean that *you* shouldn't get married. you're going to have kids.
much love.
--andrew
DUDE. MY WHOLE FUCKING POINT WAS THAT MARRIAGES DO NOT HAVE TO INCLUDE KIDS TO BE WORTHWHILE. Damn it.
Anyway, maybe we'll breed--maybe we won't. Big fucking deal, you know?
heh. i think we each missed each other's respective points.
and i really wasn't clear with my point in the first place, so that's understandable. but if i didn't put it down all hastily and in the heat of the moment, i knew i wouldn't have written it in the first place, because when i stop after every sentence and try to make it make sense, it just gets too tedious and i stop. and i really wanted to write it somewhere.
let me try this again:
the point i was trying to make about marriage is that as far as being legally bound to someone goes, it's really not necessary unless you have kids.
all of those *other* things (shared banking, hospital visitation, etc.) that are currently reserved for spouses and blood relatives...shouldn't be. so if, say, you have a really good friend or business ally that you want to bestow these rights upon, you should be able to. hence the part about discriminating against single people.
if, for instance, while out performing my important courrier duties, a very large and ponderous city bus were to merge into my fragile van (this almost happened yesterday), and i ended up in the hospital with serious injuries, it would be nice if you and w could come visit me while i'm still in a coma and cry at my bedside, since you're the only people i have out here who would do that for me (you would do that for me, right? you wouldn't have to cry hard, or anything. a few tasteful tears streaming down the cheeks would do just fine). however, because we're not married or related by blood, you couldn't. and this makes me sad.
so indeed what i was trying to say wasn't that people shouldn't chose marriage in its current state. what i was saying was that we need to change that current state. but i probably didn't make that clear.
--andrew
OK OK So I didn't understand about the "other" business.
And I'm not angry, I just hurt, in the best Southern sense of that expression, that you didn't instantly connect the dots. Who else, I ask you? Who else would kvetch like that?
I think ACM has a major point, and a solution is for us to legally adopt each other so that we are then family, and entitled to all of the rights, privileges and obligations being members of the same family entail. Another other option is to carry around information on your person so that if you suffer the fate of the guy in the "I'll Survive-- Jesus version" on youtube (and yes, a heartfelt thank you to the Mysterious Shyster for uploading that best-of-all highschool memory of the locker divesting itself of hamsters and duckies, but... I digress...) they will know to call your sisters, brothers and your step mom. With the divorce rate at 60%, there are way too many ways people can be family than the enforcers of the "only family" rules can keep up with. And besides, we are undoubtedly related-- being members of the same species, we track back to two unique urcestors, so claiming to be a "cousin" is actually true, and if they try to limit to "immediate family", there is always the, "But we are," calm retort, accompanied by the WHATAREYOUOUTOFYOURMINDTOQUESTIONME stare. Never underestimate the value of adopting the Alpha position in every interchange.
As for our current societal organization, the institution of marriage is not serving us well at all. But then, neither are our rules on becoming citizens, how we provide for the Alta Kakas, or the mentally and physically less than fully functional.
We've pretty much devoted the last 25 years to developing a 20-Ton SUV that gets .5 miles to gallon that is fully tax-deductible (so that people who would otherwise think owning something like that was nuts, are shamed by their affluent (flatulent?)neighbors into believing that it's almost free, since they get to write it all off on their taxes the year that they buy it.) And building 5,000 square foot houses 6" from one another, and fighting an endless, losing battle against drugs (recently replaced with an even more nebulous and ill-defined enemy to soak up our resources and leave us with nothing to show for it).
Long ago I thought what was needed was a new global political party, The Otters.
Unlike The Beavers, who have chomped down every tree, damned every river and flooded every meadow in their efforts to turn the planet into a place where only Beavers can survive, Otters eat fish and spend their free time making mudslides and playing. We could learn much from that life model.
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! » »
Where did you find it? Interesting read proactiv http://www.infiniti-9.info Child running shoes business schools http://www.spywareremoval8.info online training san diego cosmetic dentistry Difference 401k 403b Best portable printers cingular ringtones hosting provider Cheap heel jazz tap character shoes http://www.selltimeshare6.info Real vitamin content adult toys
Post a Comment