Hey You Guys?
...I really want to be on YouTube. I want to be on YouTube so bad I can taste it. I want to shake my ass in tiny boy-shorts. I will be really impressively awful. And that, in the context of YouTube, will be totally fucking awesome. Those who don't know what I'm talking about, google it. Then look up "Tasha," "Hey Clip," and "sexxiebebe23." That last one is fucking hilarious. Oh, and while you're at it, check out that clip of the dog.
Whoa. Sick puppy. Sick evil puppy.
Also, I am having an affair. W and I have discussed it, and he has decided that since MathGuy and I are still only dating a little, it's okay. But I am to break it off straightaway. Which presents for me a small problem, because I HATE THAT GODDAMN FACE. Ya'll know the face. It's the "oooh you have a fiance" face. The "hey, you kinda led me on by being nice to me like a normal person" face. They make the face like you should feel guilty for not wanting them, like you're being a bitch for not immediately abandoning your lover and falling face-first on their clearly superior cocks.
Sorry Ma.
Okay, so the truth is that when he first started chatting me up, I got a vibe. And I thought, hmm...not good...But you wouldn't believe how starved for attention I am here! Andrew has seen, he'll tell you! I am completely ignored! (note: this is total bullshit. I am RatQueen in my castle, ask any dem bitches)
But it was nice to talk to someone in class. I haven't talked to people in class in ages. So, I got a vibe. And I didn't do anything. I continued to talk to him, because I am of the opinion that girls who go around shrieking that they're engaged every twenty seconds are sort of annoying. I don't want to be one of those girls. I am also fairly convinced that the majority of average straight men (read: boring frat types) aren't interested in talking to women they have no chance of fucking. If W had come up in conversation (as in "are you with anyone?") I wouldn't have tried to hide him or something ridiculous like that. This guy is not my type. My fiance is my type. I've hit the "one true love" jackpot. Simple, no?
Alas.
So I got a vibe and didn't scream "TAKEN" and now he gives me "come-hither" looks in class. And wants to take me out to coffee sometime. I'm pretty sure that I can keep avoiding it, but I feel like a jerk.
And I...um...kinda...gavehimmyphonenumber. But only because he asked for it before I was sure about the vibe! Is that wrong?!
The thing is, I feel guilty when they (heterosexual men) make the shit-you're-taken face. I am a southern female, I seek only to please. I am extremely lucky and happy to have my W. However, this has only slightly decreased my insane need for EVERYONE TO LIKE ME. Which in the past meant flirting with legions of men in whom I wasn't the least bit interested. Now I must start announcing that I am engaged to potential vibe-givers. This seems to me strange and awkward. I wear a damn engagement ring! Doesn't anyone check anymore! What's this bloody world coming to? Why do I have to SAY anything?
Shit. The fact of the matter is that I've tried to avoid being overt about anything, to be nice, and now the whole thing has gone on embarassingly long. Which is incredibly awkward, because it really will look like I'm leading him on. I'm thinking that I just shouldn't go to math class anymore? What say you, peeps?
Maybe you guys are wondering what I used to do when I was was taken with no ring to show for it? The answer is extremely simple: that never happened. I had one longterm bf in highschool, and when I got to college I went "Buck"-wild. The only person I was even moderately serious about during that time (before I met W) made it very clear to me that I was not his girlfriend. I'm assuming that basically everyone reading this knows that tired story, but for any new readers I'll summarize.
He treated me like shit. I retaliated by flirting with crowds of other guys on our dates, fucking an ex (that wasn't exactly cheating, now was it?), and then sending him pathetic pleading emails from halfway across the globe. Been there, humiliated by that. Set the shirt on fire in a fit of righteous indignation.
But my point is that I've never committed to a man before. It is strange, wonderful territory. With new rules.
Oh, and just so ya'll don't think that I'm wandering around leaving the entire male population of P-Town with "the wrong impression," let me just say that I have already seen the face once this week. It was at the bowling alley on Saturday, with Andrew and W. I was fairly pissed, and had stumbled off to play the motorcycle video game (you know, the ones where you actually have to lean the bike). And this short, kind of stubby guy comes up to me and starts talking. Asking me if I know how to ride and such. So I converse. And he introduces himself and tells me that he's 25. And so-help-me-god I said "hey, my boyfriend is 25."
He looked like I'd just punched him. He actually winced.
I can do it, and I'll either set MathGuy straight this week or just give up on algebra completely. I just...well, you know. ARGH.
6 comments:
I worry that you've gotten into this mindset since being at CU where you think you're only interesting to people inasmuch as you are something they can have sex with. And I can't help but wonder if perhaps this is the reason why you dread "the face" so much. I likewise worry what this means about the state of your self-esteem.
So...you know, just in case you'd forgotten: Dude. There is a reason that Ashley and Erin and Your Mother and and the other (re: lesser) Andrew and I are so incredibly devoted to you. And that reason is not that we have lots of history with you (if this were the case, me and Lauren would still be pals), but rather because you're such a good storyteller. And because you know all sorts of shit that we didn't even know could be learned in the first place. And because you're perceptive. And because you care. And because even when you don't care, you do seemless job of pretending that you care. Much better than me, for instance (Again...I cite the me and Lauren thing as an example).
Also, just in case you'd forgotten: There are, in fact, many guys (and girls, for that matter) out there who, while they may appreciate you sexually, will also appreciate your wit, your perception, etc...
So that if you tell them that you have a boyfriend and they can't have sex with you, they will be a little dissapointed, sure, but they will get over it because there is so much more *there* than just your vagina.
And, for the record, your wit, your perception, et al., do not have herpes, unlike other aformentioned parts of you. : P
Also: You forgot to show me the most recent draft of the short story on Saturday. Would you bring it to coffe on Thursday? I really wanna see it/ crucify William for insisting you leave the fish simile in.
All my love.
--Andrew
Ask and ye shall receive.
Excellent comment, Andrew. I agree whole-heartedly (even about I being the lesser Andrew; you ARE in Oregon with her, for Christ's sake). Emily, listen to him. I don't like you b/c you have a sweet ass or epic tits, but I like you b/c...you...I'm sorry, I was imagining you naked. You sure you're taken? ;)
You are given "the face" so often b/c, like you said, the majority of guys are the "boring frat types." Their main goals in life are to pass class, get some ass, and drink their days away (forgive me for the [bad] rhymes). But to be honest, the majority of guys don't have the right to give a woman "the face," b/c they so often interpret the kindness/civility of a woman as a woman's interest in them/a gigantic neon sign with thousands of arrows pointed at a woman's vagina screaming "FUCK HERE!!!".
I, personally, find you physically attractive, but I don't think your body is your best attribute. As Andrew said, you are a great storyteller, and you make people laugh. You are insightful, witty, and just plain intelligent. Plus you have a great taste in music, which I hold in high regard for anyone. I like you b/c of those reasons first and foremost, and the fact that you are "an attractive friend" barely registers on the radar screens that are my feelings for you.
P.S. Don't give up on math b/c of MathGuy. It's not worth it. Rather, give up on math b/c math is not cool. At all.
Do you love me? No, I mean it, really, do.. you.. love me? Seriously... tell me the truth... DO YOU LOVE ME? Do you? do you really? No matter what? You're not just saying that so that I'll quit asking you, now are you? Because... no matter what you say.... no matter what you do.... I'm just not sure. So , uh, do you? do you? .... (repeat from top).
what andrew said? about guys mistaking being being nice for 'please take me now, you virile man-beast'? it's true, i think, but just take the face as evidence that you come across as interesting and smart. and pretty, but to their credit most of the guys i know (even in downtown atl) will not do a girl who is lacking.
and what's this story that andrew is talking about? because i thought that you would email me things? please?
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