Dear Andrews:

Thank you. Your comments left me with a charming, gooey feeling inside. On the one hand I'm totally flabbergasted, but on the other I'm very proud that two hilarious, intelligent, wonderful people like yourselves think so much of me. You guys are the best, and you should both know it. It's time we all took a look around and acknowledged the awesomeness of Andrews. And so we shall.

The Wonderful Things About Andrews:

1) Andrews are brilliant. They know about all sorts of things like maps and music, and can explain them all to you with only minor twinges of exasperation.

2) Andrews are talented. They sing and recite passages of Izzard, they write fabulous blog entries and speak perfect Spanish.

3) Andrews are interesting. They head up a very short list of mine, entitled "the people I'd cry if I lost touch with." They always have something funny and insightful to say, and when they aren't around I miss them very much.

4) Andrews are hot. One works the emaciated-chic; the other is strong and handsome. Andrews never see "The Face," because no person in their right mind could resist an Andrew. (Except for me of course...heh heh...calm down sweetie.)

5) Andrews are kind. They always say nice things, the ones that make you blush when you read or hear them, and then give you warm fuzzy feelings forever. The sort of nice things that stick with you when you're having bad times. Andrews are always there to help you out and make you feel better. They will move if they have to--you will move because they want to--and it all works out beautifully in the end.

6) Andrews are hilarious. Every time you talk to them you end up laughing, and their humor is always exceedingly clever. See #1 above.

7) Andrews are secretly tough. They embattle the homeless and menace temper-tantruming ex-boyfriends. They defend themselves and their friends from hostile crutches, and tactfully decline to perpetrate a beat-down on overly pointed "never-have-I-ever" questions.

8) Andrews are great breakfast conversationalists. I've breakfasted with Andrews at two of the most awful colleges in the continental United States: Valdosta State and CU Boulder. In both these places, Andrews were what made it all bearable.

9) Andrews only sometimes bring the Eddie Izzard DVDs. But they always bring the party.

And finally, may I just say that I think it's really sweet when the two of you talk about my vagina. Well, vagina and "epic tits," respectively.

*beams*

Lesser (in proximity only) Andrew: when W read your comment he immediately wanted to know just who was anonymous and how did I know him and what was he doing talking about me naked. Perhaps this MathGuy thing has put him a little on edge, but who knows. Anyway, I've straightened it all out. I pointed out that Greater Andrew talks about seeing me naked all the time, and says VERY VERY UNTRUE (and I know because I've had it vetted) things about my ladypart, without arousing in him the slightest suspicion.

"Ahhh." Said W.
"..." Said I.

So now he thinks you're gay.