Well Done Me
So, this morning (5am) I am sitting at the computer surfing Craigslist, and enjoying an inner monologue.
"Suffering And Failure, Act 1"
Lalala...looking for a job...la la...I suck...lalala can't find a good apartment either...la la girl who had promised to give me her apartment has totally flaked and no longer returns my increasingly panicked phonecalls...lalala unemployed...la nothing in our price range in my dream neighborhood allows pets...lalala we'll have to stay in SE forever...LALA...no skills...no future...no money...lala GODDAMNIT TAYLOR GO AWAY!!!!!!
"Violently Intense Resentment, Act 2"
...And the total freakout commences. Because Taylor is truly the root of all evil. Always using the fucking shower. God, how I hate him.
There seems to be some higher psychological principle at work here, but dammit I just HATE TAYLOR SO MUCH RIGHT NOW that I can't even begin to think about it. The hate has suffused my brain, my blood, my lymph. The hate, it flows through me. I am a quietly seething mass of displaced rage. Taylor has taken to filling his water purifier and hiding it in his room during the day--I think he has begun to suspect. Which is sad, because I took such great pride in dumping the water out and never refilling it. Just some crappy water scum at the bottom for Taylor. Hahaha!
Because, you know. He sucks.
Living with Taylor is like having a squatter in the apartment. Who usually pays rent. And sometimes shares good music. Okay, basically it's not that bad. But our relationship has progressed to the "leaving politely nasty notes" stage (he started it, not me!), and now I WANT HIM OUT.
Luckily, he will be leaving very soon. But not soon enough. At least when he leaves we can put stuff in his room. I still won't be able to go in there, because it will inevitably reek of mold and incense and Taylor-fungus for eternity, but the extra storage space will be nice. I don't know. Maybe we could fabreeze the shit out of it and make a little library.
Aw, who am I kidding? I don't want to live here anymore...no particularly great reasons, I'm just sick of it and I've been counting the days until our lease is up since January. I just want to find a part-time job and move out of this apartment. Into a fabulous little place in NW. With all my pets. And W. Is this an impossible dream?!
7 comments:
It isn't impossible, and it's a great dream! I'm sorry "satan-ther-sanctimonious", but people who say that "life is so miserable b/c you make it so", "no one can make you mad but yourself", blah blah BLAH can shove it up their asses. I know E, and I've spent time with E, and she isn't quick to anger/disgust/frustration with people unless they are just so insufferable that she can't help herself. Maybe she could've tried harder to make things work between she and the roommate, but did the roommate do anything himself to make things work? Anyone who would place the "blame" entirely on E makes me think that he didn't do SHIT, and I'm most likely right.
Careful, there Mr Plumber. I was not suggesting that we are the cause of our Angst, only that we are capable of overcomming that Angst if we make an effort to do so.
It is all too easy to project our interal dis-ease onto an external object and convince ourselves that if only rid ourselves of it, the Sun will shine again.
That is not how it works. No sooner are we rid of the object of our disaffection than another quite miraculously takes its place.
It is, you should know, the same with worries. As soon as one source of concern is resolved, damned if another doesn't immediately take its place.
The other facet of this little exercise is that there is only one person E can do anything about, and that would be E herself. All other options result in powerlessness and frustration.
As for your claim of knowing E-- well, let us just say that The Wayward and S-ther-S are not exactly new acquaintances. [This is not to say that S-ther-S lays any claim to knowing the Wayward E in herself, as such an assertion would have old Immanuel rolling in his Grab.]
Dear god, what is going on here?
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on!
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