Alright, I'm going to get the car fixed. Some shit will have to wait. Until, you know, hell freezes over. The "rear main crankshaft seal" for example. How do we even know that thing really exists? I mean, come on. That sounds like a totally fake engine part to me.

That's most of what's going on over here. I just saw something on facebook that gave me pause. After spraying my drink all over the computer screen and choking for about 15 minutes, I mean. Then I paused. Has the whole world gone completely batshit CRAZY?! What in the hell???

Oh, I so just used three question marks. Which does not even begin to express my surprise and consternation. Honestly, wtf.

I'm recovering from my strange case of mumps-whateverthafuck, albeit slowly. The lingering cough is the part that I don't get. I mean, a cough? With mumps? Or an ear infection? I'm pretty sure it's birdflu, actually, now that I think of it. I chased some geese the other day. You know, to protect the public. I'm practically a martyr. Or I will be, when all this hacking finally dislodges my remaining lung.

The rats got a new cage today. It has (get this) 4 stories! It is a tall purple cage with wires close enough together to prevent the cat from eating its inhabitants! All of whom are, at this very moment, huddled in terror on the bottom floor. I have no idea why. Apparently rats have difficulty accepting change. They do not like the new cage. I suspect that this is because it does not yet reek of pee. Give them two days, and it will smell just like home. I was a little disappointed that they didn't seem to enjoy it right away, though. It has a wheel! Once they get accustomed to this cage, W and I are going to join the two cages with some largish hampster tubing, so they'll really have some space to run around in.

This will mean that I'll feel less guilty that they don't get enough exercise. Which ought to lead to fewer (read: no more, ever again) unchaperoned trips outside the cage to chew on the Theory. That they were, in fact, damaging the Theory as they scurried around the bookshelf is a recent revelation. I had maintained that they were merely small, smelly Theory fans, with the characteristic preference for dark holey hiding places. W always hated it when he saw them touching the Theory--he was absolutely horrified to discover that they were actually eating it. And I was in trouble, as per usual. It's probably for the best, anyway. They were always getting wedged behind things. Rats are very difficult animals to herd--if you poke them with, say, a plastic sword, they do not move away from the sword and into your waiting hands. They lean against the sword. They climb up and over the sword. They squeak indignantly as though the sword is really, really hurting them (it isn't, they just don't like being pushed). Eventually you can push them out of whatever remote corner they've retreated into, in order to savor the speaker/computer/telephone charger wires in private. But you have to push them. No herding.

I've tried coaxing with food too, by the way. No deal. Wires beat out yogurt and raisins every time.