"Expiate perusals to an allowance of 30 min." I suppose this means, in Laundromat Computer Language, that I should limit myself to 30 minutes. This gives me time to tell you guys about my new favorite thing.

That's right, you guessed it. Sarah Palin!

Why is Sarah Palin my new favorite thing? Well, to begin with, she has foreign policy experience. I had never realized it before, but she actually shares this expertise with all Alaskans, as their state is bordered by 2 foreign nations. For those of you still blissfully unaware, Russia can actually be seen from some island near Alaska. It is "right over there." Apparently, unbeknownst to the rest of us, Alaskans have been doing their patriotic duty and maintaining our freedoms for a long time. They're up there, freezing their asses off, keeping a watchful eye on Russia. We owe them our gratitude.

Secondly, she comes from a church even more exciting than The Rock Christian Fellowship. There are videos of her at her church, being prayed over by an African cleric (a self-professed "witch hunter") with admonitions to "stomp the heads of our enemies" and "make our nation a righteous nation" thrown out into the crowd. These people sound like fun. I believe that there is much that we could learn from them.

Of course, there is also the business with her pregnant teenage daughter (give them a break ya'll, it's Alaska) and the fact that the republicans don't actually want her to talk to the press...ever. If you're wondering why, or perhaps even falling for the ol' sexism schtick, direct yourself to her most recent interview with Katie Couric. It hurts, ooo it hurts. From laughing!

I'm telling you, Sarah Palin is the best thing that has happened to this election since Hillary wept. I'm actually entertained now. Before, when it was all just going down the toilet with no comic relief, I was starting to feel positively anti-American. This shitstorm we're in needed a jester, and thank you jesus, here she is at last. I am significantly cheered, I tell you.

Now, on with the news. Beauregaard is doing fine! His liver enzymes responded to the denamarin and fluids, and were much improved the last time we checked them. Although I no longer expect to have a Beaure with me for another 8 years, I'm at least not worried about the next few anymore.

Neutrino has grown into an absolutely beautiful cat with a very entertaining personality. I've taken to calling him Janice after Janice Dickenson, the world's first supermodel and uber-bitch. I can totally imagine Neutrino making fun of retarded people on national television (referring of course to The Surreal Life bowling challenge, where Janice forever secured her legacy as a self-absorbed Nazi in lipstick). He talks a lot of trash, too. You've got to watch out for him. He's a supermodel.

Edgar continues to eat constantly. He's getting quite wide. Lenore ignores everyone, until she is suddenly in the mood to knock over vases full of flowers.

Frank, our foster kitten, finished his course of antibiotics and then got sick again, so he's currently sniffling on our bed and trying to fend off Neutrino/Janice. I'm taking him in to work on Friday so that he can see the vet.

We're moving in November, which means that we have to turn in our notice to the apartment in...5 days?

Holy shit.

My Dad and Aunt Judy have been making major renovations to the house in Gainesville, which we cannot wait to see. Hardwood floors, ya'll. A new master bathroon! Dad summarily overruled our paint choices (too blue?), so I am expecting a lot of tasteful earth tones to greet us upon our arrival.

Ochre, I'll bet any amount of money. That man loves ochre.

I am excited about seeing my family and GA friends, but I'm really going to miss some of the people I've met in Portland. Lately I've been hanging out with a friend from work and I wish that I could teleport her there a few times a month, so that we could go karaoke and drink PBR. Do they even have PBR in GA? I guess we'll find out. Speaking of work, I don't recommend it. I've switched from cats to dogs, so now my coworkers are MUCH easier to get along with and laid-back. The switch has dramatically improved my quality of life, I tell you. There's nothing quite like being trapped in a tiny office for 9 hours a day, surrounding by backstabbing bitches and a bunch of very pissed-off cats.

It can get you down.

But, but! Kennels is wonderful, and I like everyone there (with one miniscule exception). Hopefully my next month will go smoothly, and then we'll be on our way. I'm missing Portland already, but I know that if I can get into nursing school it will all have been worth it.

Tomorrow we're going out for W's mom's birthday, and then to 80's night to celebrate my friend from work's new apartment. I'm trying to decide if I should wear full 80's regalia for both events, or...not. What say you, peeps?