I am really "unexpected night-shift" tired right now and unable to sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch. I blame this on Edgar, who has been snuggling my head with his sharp/soft little kitty paws since I got home this morning. Lenore is curled up in the closet somewhere, likely thinking hateful thoughts about Beauregaard and licking herself. She refuses to come up on the bed if the dog is there, and lately she's taken to trapping him in the hallway and whacking him in the face when he tries to come into the bedroom. When she hits him, he immediately turns around and runs into Edgar (positioned deviously at the other end of the hall) and gets smacked again. Then he stands in the middle of the hallway and whines. Sometimes he'll have a panic attack just walking down that hall now--if he catches a wiff of cat, he starts sniffling and squinting and is instantly rooted to the spot like a little bitch. Which, you know. Big surprise.

Beauregaard is having a rough time with two cats. He was already at a significant disadvantage, and now they work in teams. I think they are giving him an anxiety disorder.

The cats were purchased on a two-for-one deal last week from the Oregon Humane Society. They each cost $85, so we (kinda) saved $85! Somehow I got it into my head that having two cats would be just like having one cat, except that they would eat and crap twice as much. Which, looking back, still seems very reasonable. I just do not understand how having two cats means emptying the litterbox 6 times a day instead of once. My math skills are poor, but I'm almost certain that isn't right. And why are we now spending $50 a week on cat food?

These two cats, if you stuffed them both into a sack and added a 5 lbs weight, they would still weigh about 2 lbs less than the Fats. Of course, that may be complete bullshit. I only have 10 fingers, and I can't use them very efficiently to divide multiple sums. But I'm pretty sure that it's almost true. What I'm getting at is that, HEY, THESE ARE SMALL CATS. And yet, dudes, and yet...

They are both jet black with yellow-green eyes. Lenore, who is about 4 years old and 5 lbs, has long shiny hair that is incredibly soft. You feel a little privileged to touch it. And you get the impression, hanging out with Lenore, that she thinks you're copping a pretty damn special feel herself. This cat is a TOTAL PRINCESS. She doesn't meow, she opens her dainty little mouth and chirps. Like a bird or a squirrel...she actually sort of resembles a squirrel, with her oversized poofy tail sticking straight up. A very hoity-toity little black squirrel.

Edgar is 2 years old and about 8lbs, with short, stiff fur. He is, to put it mildly, a "velcro cat." By which I mean that he is wrapped around your head or your leg or holding onto your hand with both paws and licking you ALL THE TIME. He is obsessed with people, and me in particular. Despite his obvious fear of W, he nevertheless follows him around the house faithfully when I'm not home.

He is afraid of just about everything, in fact. Vacuum cleaners, blinds, rolling chairs, cat carriers, straws, etc. Once when I was trying to walk back to my bedroom in semi-darkness he apparently had some kind of kitty PTSD flashback and growled at me. Since I am not yet accustomed to living with black cats, I had no idea what this was about or where the sound had come from. I froze. It took me several paranoid seconds to locate the madly glittering yellow eyes on the floor, and another minute or so to panic. After I had ruled out MONSTER as a possibility (due to the size of the perceived assailant and the relative unlikelihood of my reality taking quite so dramatic a turn), it occurred to me that I might be able to identify this freaky thing on the floor.

I might have just shelled out 85 clams for it.

"Edgar?" I said. And then he meowed and came running up to flop on my feet and lick my toes. I think he needs counseling.

In other fantastic, cat-related news, I have a new job. I start at the Oregon Humane Society on Monday, as an Animal Care Technician. My shifts are from noon to 9pm, Thursday through Monday. This will be my first full-time job, and (fingers crossed that I don't mess it up) I think that it may be the best job that I've ever had! Wish me luck, dudes. I am SO EXCITED. It's basically the same sort of work that I did as a cattery volunteer, taking care of cats and showing them to potential adopters. It pays better than my current job, and they'll provide me with scrubs! Seriously, I'm beaming. I HEART OHS!!!

Yup, three exclamation points. I'm for reals.

I'm also waiting to hear back from Our House of Portland, an HIV/AIDS nursing facility, about an on-call position there. If I can fit night shifts or day shifts on my days off into my schedule, I would love to work for them. It's a pretty amazing place. I think that if I don't end up working there that I want to volunteer. I wonder if I could volunteer at both the horse camp (Ashley, have you looked at that anymore?) and Our House? If it's a choice between the two, I'll probably choose Our House because the nursing experience is so valuable. My interview there went great (I HEART the fun, funky Our House nursing team!), and the HR director told me that if my references check out they'd love to have me.

Things are l-l-l-looking up!

So, how is everyone? Ashley, I know that your apartment is now officially pimped out, and I feel totally honored to have been the one that helped guide you to that gorgeous couch! Now I've got to see it in its new home. And you still need a coffee table and bookshelves! And dining room chairs...Andrew, you are back from GA! How went your trip? Could we three hang out sometime soon? I'm not working Saturday of this week. I've got another night shift Friday and an evening shift on Sunday...I was supposed to work Thursday evening but someone called in for NOC and they offered to switch my Thursday evening to last night. Which is like, HELLS YEAH. I love the night shift nurses! And there are no showers, no PT/OT appointments, no family members, no meals, no RCMs running around...in fact, many people are asleep! What's not to love? Is it wrong that I totally want to call in for my Sunday shift? Am I a bad person?

Oh, Erin! Are you back from Japan yet? There has been a sad lack of updates on the Japan blog. Remember that I'm trying to see the world through you...do you have more pictures? Did you bring home/are you bringing home any tiny cute stuff? Were my Hiroshima comments annoying? I had just finished those books, I didn't want to sound didactic. Talk to meh, dude!

Lisa? Lisa, are you there?

Finally, a message to persons finding this blog and taking offense (and then airing those unspecified and confusing grievances in a public forum):
BACK UP OFF ME, YO.